At the moment I have taken some time off from my dayjob. This means I have a lot more time to write music. This was supposed to be a good thing, but guess what? I feel the pressure! Until now, I have written music when the inspiration has found me. I have not seeked the inspiration, the music has just come to me. Off course, some of my music have been made through pure hard work. But mostly, I write when I "hear" a melody or "see" a history that I want to tell. And every time when I am finished with a piece, I feel that I will never be able to write another piece of music again! At least not as good as the last one. What does this mean? That I completely lack confidence? Or that I am realistic and understand that what I do is purely luck and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.. ?
My new routine, as from today, is to stand up at a reasonable hour, eat breakfast, do my daily yoga, write music for two hours, and then go hiking with my dog. Does it sound perfect or what? 😁 Today, I was supposed to work with my new long-song ; "Tidevann"("Tide") but I'm starting to make a pattern; when I'm about to get a piece finished,,I start making another one, without finishing the first.. Today, I felt I really needed to make another song, just because I thought I couldn't.. My fear sometimes overwhelmes me, and even if I listen to some of my recorded music, which I really love, I can feel that it is no point in continuing to write music because nobody will like it, and when nobody likes it, the music has no purpose.. But then I start doodling on the piano.. Normally I start out with a melody or rhythm that's in my head, and I play it with one hand first, then I add chords, and I develop the first theme into another more intricate one, and then I combine it with another theme and so on.. and suddenly, I have some parts that fits together, and the song is on 😊 This song has the working title " Tviil" ("Doubt"). If all feelings where positive, I would most likely have written music only in major.. which is not the case..so I should most likely embrace all feelings.